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I'm steady, but I'm starting to shake [entries|friends|calendar]
KP

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Everybody here hides shades of shame [14 Jun 2005|04:45pm]
I gotta make a better goodbye message...lol. Its been nice with this journal (had it for over a year), so of course making a new one was kinda hard. I get emotionally attached to the dumbest things. I'm not leaving, just moving, I guess. I know its not a big deal, but for some of you this is goodbye. I can't really be ignored for that long. I dont find it fair that I let you into my world to read about my life and secrets, when I am only forgotten by you. I guess this could be aimed at one person, and it very well may be. But I'm not naming names.

I'm hurt by your actions. You promised me a better time, but once again, I am just the person you go to when the knife is at your throat. It must hurt you more than me to now know that you have no other way to contact me. You lost your back up support. People wonder why I keep so much bottled up inside, and its because of you. You dont listen to me. I may look happy, but I'm not half the time. I get upset, and I get hurt...it's not like you would know since the only words you hear out of me are, "Don't worry I'm always here for you." I can honestly say that you haven't eve mumbled those words to me.

I dont hold grudges. I will easily forgive you if you promise to not forget about me again. I'm just so tried of being hurt by everyone. Sometimes I feel like the only people I can really count on are Brittany and Kyle. I love those guys so much. But for once, I actually feel like I'm doing the right thing. Please dont be mad about this. Just promise me a better future.

I am a person, and the fact that you just throw around our friendship just shows that I am trash to you. If this is how you treat all your friends, then I give them my sympathy because this roller coaster ride needs to end. I dont hate you...I never did.

I'm tired of the lies. I'm tired of the fake promises. I'm tired of being replaced. And I'm tired of always being the nice girl. I'm taking my stand now. Leave me alone if you're going to treat me like crap. My trust in you is gone. I can think no lower of you at this point...but I'll still forgive you.

It's my weakness, I guess. I forgive too easily. But I wont forget.

Maybe one day, when I'm gone for good, you'll realize that you needed me. I was your moral support. I was your savior. I brought you up when you couldnt get any lower.

I am disgusted by you.

My new journal is friend's only now. Just incase you find my new one (which shouldnt be hard at all because I am not hiding) I want to be sure you cant read anything until you own up to your actions. All contact is cut loose now.

I am sick of making the first move. Its your turn now. I cant always be the one to prove this friendship means anything.

This may mean nothing to you, and I'll be shocked if you feel any emotion right now.

You can try to forget about people...but those memories cannot be erased. Dont run from your guilt...It'll get you when you least expect it.

Good times with this journal...now to go and make some nice new memories in my new one.

EDIT: This isnt aimed at you Melissa...just in case you were thinking that
3 | sick lullabies

And maybe, maybe, maybe... [14 Jun 2005|04:39pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I made a new journal...I may add you soon. If you dont get added...too bad for you. Maybe you shouldnt have forgotten about me...I'm might still use this one though...

sick lullabies

And maybe, maybe, maybe... [13 Jun 2005|08:02pm]
[ mood | sad ]

you'll find something that's enough to keep youCollapse )

1 | sick lullabies

Two plus two always equals five... [09 Jun 2005|07:15pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

Are you such a dreamer?Collapse )

2 | sick lullabies

I want a perfect body [07 Jun 2005|07:09pm]
[ mood | hot ]

I want a perfect soulCollapse )

2 | sick lullabies

Tell me its something eluding you, sunshine... [31 May 2005|08:53pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

Is this not what you expected to see?Collapse )

3 | sick lullabies

Here's what I'm thinking... [31 May 2005|04:07pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

This will all fall down like everything else before...Collapse )

1 | sick lullabies

I think I've already lost you... [29 May 2005|05:52pm]
[ mood | working ]

I think you're already gone...Collapse )

2 | sick lullabies

A thousand lost forevers... [25 May 2005|05:53pm]
[ mood | sick ]

and the promises that you were never giving me...Collapse )

3 | sick lullabies

So long [21 May 2005|09:36pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

And thanks for all the fish...Collapse )

4 | sick lullabies

The taste of summer sweetness in my mind... [20 May 2005|08:04pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Streetcorner SymphonyCollapse )

1 | sick lullabies

Whats your problem, girl? [17 May 2005|07:09pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

 

Lean on me...Collapse )<?

1 | sick lullabies

Hey man [14 May 2005|06:05pm]
[ mood | full ]

I dont wanna hear about love no more...Collapse )

sick lullabies

Falling to pieces, forever in doubt... [11 May 2005|06:33pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

There aint nobody who can show you how to find the surface when you're undergroundCollapse )

2 | sick lullabies

Forever Rachel [10 May 2005|04:14pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

The sound from the avenue's calling you...Collapse )

2 | sick lullabies

There aint no blanket that can hide this cold [08 May 2005|06:55pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

I dont want to go back to school tomorrow. I brought home my chem book in hopes of doing some studying becuase the retakes for the test (which I got a 74 on...not cool) are tomorrow through wednesday. I expect to see my whole class there considering the fact that the highest grade was an 84 and half my class failed. For once, I was above average on a chem test...how sad is that. A 74 being above average is pitiful.

I brought my math grade back up to an 83, so I am so much happier in that class now. That test still blew though.

So today was mother's day, and it was a fairly good day. My mom got a windchime (which she has wanted forever), a picture thingy, and a 250 dollar gift card to JCPenny. Then we got chinese food for her. Yum yum!

Started up a myspace account! Go to it and look at the sexy Kimness...lol

http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=15455829&Mytoken=20050508160910

sick lullabies

[07 May 2005|08:45pm]
[ mood | silly ]

I be mucho tired, so my entry will probably lack stuffness...yeah.

Went to Rhode Island to day to see Kyle's Aunt..Good times...we watched this movie which I really had no opinion on. And then we came home. I ate some stuff. Then Shadow went missing. But he showed up on our front step after like 40 minutes. He always comes home when he runs away. Good Doggie.


oh...Kylie got his lap top back, so I know he'll update his live journal...yeah...

sick lullabies

I need you to tell me what to stand for [02 May 2005|04:06pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I've been blowing off making a real update for the last few days because I am lazay! I know, I know...not cool!

So the weekend...good times and bad times. Kyle and I had our first fight, but we're all cool now. I actually think it made us a lot closer. Its not until you almost lose someone that you realize just how much they really mean to you. Oh man...just thinking about not having Kyle scares me. Not cool.

I also went to see Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy on Friday after school with my El Padre. That was possibly one of the funniest movies I have ever seen in my life. The reviewer people are making me mad though. They keep saying it will suck if you've never read the books, but I havent and I've never laughed so hard at a movie. Then on sunday I went to see the movie again with Kyle cause he wanted to go. We went to the coolest theater ever. It had stadium seating and reclining chairs and the best popcorn ever! Oh man, I would so live there if I could...well maybe not...but it was still cool!!!!

Then today wasnt really good or bad. I found out I got a 77 on the math test I thought I failed, which still sucks so much. Thats like the only thing factored into my grade so right now I have a 79 in the class. I can bring that up to like an 85 so easily becuase we'll have more stuff factored in by the end of the semester. But it sucks cause this is the first time I've ever dipped into a C in a class. Oh well, it can be easily raised.

Chemistry was boring as usual....so boring.

I went down to the library in art to do some research on Matisse for our project and I got to use the computers before the class that had to use them came in. So I got like five minutes on them and then Kyle's class came in, and he stole my computer! That whore...But he kept leaving the computer area to come see me, so that made up for it.

Then in Spanish we went to the language computer lab and froze each others computers. Same old pointless stuff we do everyday...

Thats pretty much it for my life...nothing interesting...except Kyle being a whore, cause thats pretty interesting to me!


QUOTE OF THE DAY: Same old story everybody knows; one heart holding on, one letting go

1 | sick lullabies

[30 Apr 2005|12:57pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

So, I guess things with Kyle are fine now. I'm still kinda sad cause Kyle still seems pretty sick of me, but oh well. If he didnt want to be with me, then he wouldve broken up with me by now.


Oh man, what a good seven month anniversary


But I really do love Kyle, and I'm glad things are better now.

sick lullabies

[30 Apr 2005|08:46am]
[ mood | rejected ]

so, Kyle and I got into a huge fight last night. It got to the point where he was so frustrated that he didnt even want to talk to me, so I hung up. Blah...I always give him a wake up call in the mornings, and I just want to talk to him, but he wont wake up and talk to me. Maybe I should just rethink this whole relationship. I think Kyle is sick of me... :(



oh, and happy anniversary, kyle

sick lullabies

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